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by princessvana



Category: A Star is Born (2018)
Genre: Addiction, Alternate Ending, Depression, F/M, Fix-It, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, Rehabilitation, Romance, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-19
Updated: 2018-10-19
Packaged: 2019-08-04 08:50:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,404
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16343681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/princessvana/pseuds/princessvana
Summary: Ally Maine has a bad feeling. Not the usual pre-show anxiety, but an uproarious knot in the pit of her stomach that feels as if it's about to swallow her whole.Where's Jack?





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**Author's Note:**

> This fic is also featured on my Wattpad account, so if you've read that one, don't worry- same username, same author. Sorry for how rough this is; I've been working on a novel over at Wattpad for a year or so now, and after watching ASIB I couldn't concentrate on it until I gave Jack and Ally the ending they deserved. This is just pure word vomit I thought others may enjoy- not a super well crafted fic.

Please don't tell me I'm too far gone

I can't go on if I ain't living in your arms

~Bradley Cooper~

 

* * *

 

 

" _Ally! Ally! Ally!"_

The crowd's chants roared through the stadium, and the girl in question stood center stage, smiling out at the crowd with a smile stretched wide across her face. Her teeth seemed to glitter in the blistering spotlight, and the light refracted off her tangerine hair, making her look as if she was set ablaze. The lights went out, and the chaos began.

She ran backstage as fast as her heels could carry her, already pulling at the hidden buttons that kept her costume taut to her flesh. A team surrounded her, pulling at the costume and prepping a new one as fast as possible. Her hair was tugged and yanked as she looked around, frantic.

"Where's Jack? He said he'd be here," her eyes settled on her manager, Rez, who approached her. "Where's Jack?"

"Relax, Ally. We've sent a car out to the house. We'll know where he is here, soon," he gripped her shoulders. "Trust me. He's probably just fallen asleep; what I need you to do is concentrate, and show that audience that powerful voice of yours, okay?"

She looked at him, the facade of a superstar fading away. She was vulnerable. Scared. Stressed. "You promise you'll let me know where he is as soon as you know?"

"Of course, Ally."

Ally's costume was no longer a tight bodysuit, instead she was clad in a glittering gown, her hair falling down her back like a marigold waterfall. "Okay," she whispered, and she stepped back into the omniscient luminescence of the stage.

 

* * *

 

Half an hour later, Ally Maine was backstage again.

The team was on her once more, but she pushed them off. She didn't see Rez, and it had been more than half an hour. "Ally!" one called after her, but she put up a hand, firmly.

She stormed to the green room, and found Rez standing in front of several various teammates. "Ally? You shouldn't be back here, your next set is in 15 seconds and your hair-"

"Where's Jack?" her voice was as firm as she could make it. "We live 10 fucking minutes away, Rez. If you'd sent a car you'd know where he is by now."

"Ally, it's not a concern of yours right now-"

"He's my fucking husband, Rez, he's always my concern," she glared at him, her words bitter. "Where is he?"

Rez's posture slumped slightly, defeated by the headstrong popstar before him. "We didn't send a car. He's a flake, Ally, he always has been. I'm sure he's fine, but it wasn't worth the time or effort to check. Especially if it means he may actually show up," Rez's resolve strengthened as he chastised her. "Honestly; he should  _not_ be here. After the fiasco at the Grammy's, we're still in triage mode.  _Maybe_  we can bring him back into the spotlight eventually, but it's absolutely not the time or place for 'Jackson Maine's big comeback'- what are you doing?"

Ally threw her mic on the ground, and pulled at the glittering gown that cascaded down her hips. "I'm leaving," she stated bluntly. "There's something not right. Jackson would be here if he could. He's not a fucking flake, he's sick."

"The show's not over, Ally-"

"It's one show out of a thousand. I only have one husband. It's an easy choice," she pointed to one of the drivers. "Grab your keys. We're leaving."

"Ally Maine, if you walk out the door, it could be the end of your career."

Ally froze, not hesitant, but furious. "Then I'll thank you for the memories now," she turned on her heel and ran through the door after the driver.

 

* * *

 

Jack's truck was outside.

Ally vomited out the window of the van.

Through the garage windows they could see Jack's feet perfectly perched on the edge of his toolbox.

Ally threw the door open.

Jack dropped.

Ally ran.

Jack thrashed.

The driver threw open the garage door, and Ally dashed through, wrapping her arms around her hanging husband, lifting him the best she could as the driver whipped out a pocket knife and began sawing at the belt that tied Jackson to the rafters.

The world was a kaleidoscope of sight and noise, and Ally's thoughts seemed to all blend together until one singular statement prevailed.  _Save him. Save him. Save him._

Jack fell from the ceiling, knocking them both to the ground. "Call 911!" Ally screeched, rolling Jack onto his back to inspect him. His face was red from the seconds without oxygen, and she could see from the cloudiness in his eyes that he was high. "What the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck," she whispered to no one and everyone at once.

"Is this heaven?" Jack whispered, his eyes bloodshot as he reached up to touch her face.

"Why would you do this?" she sobbed over him. Grabbing his hand and holding it against her cheek. "Why would you leave me?"

"Never," he murmured back. "Never, never, never."

Ally pulled him to her chest and he vomited down her back, but she held him anyway. He was coughing, sputtering, and she wondered how many pills he'd taken this time. She rubbed his back and buried her face in his neck, trying to ignore the still-present impressions of the belt, and cried. Her tears poured down his chest, baptizing them in a pain more brutal than anything they'd ever felt.

 

* * *

 

 

The lights seemed to blind Jackson as he opened his blue eyes.

Everything seemed to be awash with light, and for a moment he wondered if he'd died.

He looked to his right, and his breath caught in his throat. Ally's tiny figure sat in the chair, slumped over onto the armrest so her hair veiled her pretty face.

"Ally?" he whispered. His voice was hoarse, even for him.

Her shoulders gathered as she rolled her head back to look at him. He smiled, but she didn't return the sentiment. Tears welled in her eyes, and her lips quivered. He reached out a hand, wishing to wipe away the sadness, but a handcuff he hadn't noticed before stopped him.

"Do you know what happened?" Ally murmured, voice quavering. Jack didn't reply. He didn't have to. Ally pulled her knees to her chest, and pain ripped through Jack's chest. She looked so much like that girl he'd fallen in love with all those years prior. She wiped a tear from her eye with her palm. "Why did you want to leave me?"

"Ally," he breathed, pushing his head back into his pillow. "That's never what I wanted."

"Then what did you want, Jackson?" she bit. "All I have ever wanted was you. In any way, shape, or form. I just want to take you as you are."

"Who I am isn't good enough."

"Like fuck it isn't," she snapped. She stood up and moved to him, perching on the corner of his bed. "You're talking about my husband when you say that bullshit," she was crying now, uninhibitedly. "My husband is my life, my joy, my rock.  _Nobody_ gets to say he's not good enough. Not even you."

Jack looked up at her green eyes, captivated by the fury that swirled in them. "You are the most beautiful creature on this Earth."

"You don't get to do that, Jack. You don't get to sweet talk your way out of this," she whimpered, pulling her knees up to her chest once again, rubbing tears away. He could tell by the makeup smeared on her face that she hadn't even removed last night's concert makeup yet. "We need to get you help. We both need to get help. I can't ever do this again."

"Ally Maine," he smiled at her. "I would give anything to be here in this moment with you. I will go to counseling, I will go into treatment, I will move mountains if it means I get to take another look at you," he reached a hand up, forgetting about the handcuff, and slammed it back down in frustration. "You have no idea how it feels to see you like this and be unable to touch you."

The two locked eyes for a moment, lingering in each others' melancholy. Ally leaned over and held down a button on the monitor beside them.

"He's awake."

She slid into the bed, positioning herself between his body and the railing of the bed. Her tiny figure fit easily, and she slid her head into that familiar crevice in the crook of his neck. He turned his head to bury his nose in her hair. "You smell like vomit," he chuckled.

"You threw up on me, you prick," she looked up at him, smiling slightly, and he pressed his lips against hers.

"I'm so sorry, Ally."

"It's okay, I was just wearing the body suit-"

"That's not what I'm apologizing for," he interrupted. "But I am sorry for that, too."

A throat cleared, and Ally looked up at the doctor who now stood in the doorway. "Sorry," she climbed off of Jack, and he immediately missed her warmth.

The typical poking and prodding followed, and a multitude of questions. Jack answered, only half listening. His gaze was fixated on Ally, and she was staring right back. She ran a finger from her forehead, to the tip of her nose, to her chin. Tears bubbled in his eyes now, threatening to pour over, but he bit them back.

"Mr. Maine, the next step here would be to discuss treatment options," the doctor said, and Jack didn't reply. "Mr. Maine? Are you listening?"

"I'm sure we'll have time to do that later," Jack replied, never breaking eye contact with Ally.

The doctor shifted uncomfortably. Everyone in that room knew Jack had a weeks' hospital stay ahead of him, and then at least another two months of rehab. Ally smiled. "Would you take the cuffs off, please?"

"We're really not supposed to-"

"He's going to be okay," Ally replied before he could finish.

Intimidated by the fierce pop idol and her brooding rock star husband, he removed Jackson's cuffs and exited the room.

Ally was in his arms in an instant, and tears poured down his face at last, so plentiful he thought he might drown. His hands were all over her, drinking in every curve of her body, memorizing every contour. He buried his face in that electric hair of hers, ignoring the heavy scent of vomit mixed with obnoxious amounts of hairspray.

For better or worse, that was his wife, and nothing felt better than being there with her.

 

* * *

 

_WHAT HAPPENED TO JACKSON MAINE?_

Ally glared at the gossip rag on the table next to her. She slid it under a copy of  _Better Homes & Gardens_, praying she'd never have to look at a headline like that again.  _Seems a bit insensitive_ , she thought, then looked back up at the wooden doors across the room.

Time seemed to pass by achingly slowly. It had been three months since she'd last seen her husband. Letters had been exchanged frequently, but this center was nothing like the last. She squeezed her hands between her thighs, wishing she'd be swallowed whole. Their wedding day hadn't caused nearly as much anxiety as this moment.

_What if I'm not good enough? What if I'm the catalyst behind his hurt? What if I'm the reason he-_

Ally shook her head.  _No._ Jack's letters had been nothing but earnest and eager for their reunion. His therapist had told her numerous times that none of it was her fault.

_"Jack's trauma is deep rooted, Ally. It's not a single thing your or anyone did. It's a consequence of a neglectful childhood, and an adolescence spent feeling as if there's something to prove."_

_"I know that, I know- I just wonder if maybe I-"_

_"I'm going to stop you right there. Depression doesn't work like that. There was nothing you could do. Without help, this was always going to end this way."_

_"He said he did it for me."_

_"Suicide is always selfless in the eyes of the person who commits it, or they'd never do it. Everyone else sees it as selfish, but imagine if you_ genuinely _felt like you were worthless, or that you were going to absolutely destroy Jack's life. Imagine if you saw yourself as a villain in your own story. You need to realize that Jack absolutely hates himself, Ally, and he saw his suicide as a chore to make you happy, like he was taking out the garbage."_

Footsteps clattered in the hallway behind the door, and Ally's heart stopped. She stood, quavering, and stared wide eyed at the source of the sound. Time seemed to slow as the door creaked open and Jack came into view.

He'd cut his hair; his curls now barely fluttered over his ears. His beard was more specked with gray than it had been before, a certain sign of stress. He was staring at her, slack-jawed, his cerulean eyes somehow glittering in the dim light of the office, alight with a new life.

"Al-"

She closed the gap between them, bolting, jumping into his arms so passionately that all her 115 pounds threw him off balance, and he had to step back to catch them. Jack's shoulders ached as she gripped her hands into them, and he knew he'd be hard pressed to get her to let go. Not that he ever, ever wanted her to. He slid his arms around her and buried his head in her hair. There was no scent of vomit this time, thankfully, just the familiar aroma of honey and apricot swirling through his senses.

His shirt was soaked through before he realized she was crying. "Oh, baby, it's okay," he kissed her temple, bouncing her in his arms like a child. "I'm right here, honey, I'll always be right here," he rested his head against hers and looked around the room. "Where's the driver?"

"I-I'm the driver," she stammered out, trying to mask the sound of her crying.

"I don't think so," he kissed her temple again. "I'll take us home, okay? Charlie's waiting, Ally.

"Let's go home."

 

* * *

 

Jack awoke to the rapping of knuckles against his front door.

Ally stretched in the bed next to him, brushing her bare skin against his. He looked over at her, indulging in the sight of her sleeping physique. Her alabaster flesh rose and fell with every breath, and he was mesmerized by the simple beauty of it. He ran his finger down her spine and her lips turned upward in a sleepy smile. He found himself beaming at her, amused at the mess of orange curls that obscured her face and in awe of every little perfect detail about her. Everything froze then, and he couldn't believe that he'd nearly lost her three months prior.

There was a knock once again, and Jack finally pulled his eyes off his wife. He rolled out of bed and tugged on a pair of sweatpants, then made his way to the door. Charlie pranced at his ankles, and he reached down to scratch him behind the ears. Jack could see a tall, slender figure standing outside the door, and his world seemed to slow down.

_Breathe, Jack. Breathe._

He inched toward the door, hesitating slightly, then mustered all his strength to open it.

"Hey, Rez."

Ally's manager stood outside the door, flowers in hand, and he let out an uneasy smile. "Hi, Jackson. How have you been?"

Jack didn't respond, he just stepped to the side to let Rez in. The manager seemed hesitant, but he stepped into their home anyway. "Look, I just wanted to say-"

"Don't," Jack chided. "What happened, happened. I haven't spoken to Ally about it, and if you know what's good for you, you won't talk to her about it either."

Rez shifted uncomfortably. "I didn't think you'd-"

"I know you didn't think I'd do that, Rez," Jack's voice was so low it was nearly a growl. "If I'm being honest, it ain't even your fault. Yeah, I don't fuckin' like you. But if you think for a second the words of someone as measly as you could drive me to such desperate means, you've sorely mistaken me."

Rez's mouth settled into a grim line. "Well, at least there's no pretense of civility, then."

"No, there's fuckin' not," Jack ran a hand through his dark curly hair. "You need to remember Ally's more than just a pop star for you to pimp out and capitalize off of. She's a wife, a daughter. A human being with human emotions. And she loves me. I know that bugs the shit out of you, but she loves me, and if you continue to try and ice me out she'll drop you before she ever drops me," Jack locked eyes with Rez. "I know her better than you. If there's any part of you that thinks you can tell her what to do, you'd best stifle that notion real quick. She lives her life on her own terms. I'm grateful for everything you've done for her career, but my appreciation for you stops there. I'm not on your side here. Tread carefully, because if she comes to me talking about wanting to switch management, don't ever think I'll defend you."

Rez stared back at Jack, unsure of what to say. Jack had never been much of a talker, and this conversation was the most the two had ever spoken. There was an animosity in Jack's eyes, and Rez could feel the tension in the air, and his breath caught when Jack let out a gentle smile.

"Thanks for the flowers. I'll go get Ally," Jack turned on his heel and walked down the hallway, moving into their bedroom. He climbed into bed and pushed Ally's hair out of her eyes. "Hey, baby."

"Hi, Jack," she said in a breathy whisper.

"Rez is here."

"Why?" Ally mumbled, stretching out.

"Brought some flowers. Probably wants to talk business with you. Come on baby, put some clothes on. I'll start some coffee."

"Kiss me first," she muttered, and Jack complied, pressing his lips against hers. She wrapped her slender arms around him, pulling him into a hug, and he used the opportunity to pick her up out of the bed.

He turned in a circle, cradling her in his arms, and her laugh seemed to prick all his senses. He touched his nose to hers, closing his eyes and drinking in the moment. "I love you."

"I love you, too, Jack," her sweet breath washed over his face. He was at a loss for words- how could someone be so perfect that even their morning breath smelled good?

Jack set her down then, handing her a robe. "I'll go get the coffee started. See you in five."

He moved back out into the hallway and saw Rez had taken a seat on their sofa. The man seemed uncomfortably stiff, and Jack had to restrain himself from letting out a laugh. "Ally'll be out in a minute," he called out, and Rez gave a tight-lipped smile and a nod. Jack turned into the kitchen and began preparing a pot of coffee, then poured some into a couple mugs.

 When he heard footsteps coming down the hall he turned, and saw Ally standing at the end of the hall. She looked like a vision in her silk robe and messy hair. "Rez? What are you doing here?" her brow furrowed, and she tucked some hair behind her ear. Jack handed her a mug and she took it gratefully.

"I wanted to talk."

"Really? I thought you said everything you needed to say at the show," she bit back. "My career's over, remember? What is there to discuss?"

"Ally, I'm sorry. Truly," his eyes shifted from her to Jack, whose confusion was palpable. "Do you mind if we discuss this outside?"

"Yeah. I do," Ally retorted. "He's my husband, Rez. We've had this discussion. Anything you want to say to me he can hear, too."

"I'll go easy on ya, pal," Jack raised his mug to the manager. "Want a cup?"

"I'm fine, thanks," the usually headstrong Rez seemed feeble and skittish. "Can we sit at least?"

Ally didn't respond, she just stepped forward and sat on the sofa, Jack following closely behind. Rez sat on the couch adjacent to them uneasily, then clasped his hands together. "First and foremost, I want to apologize," the couple stared back at him with steely eyes. "I've said some things I shouldn't have, and I am absolutely sorry for that. I just didn't anticipate what was to come," he looked at Ally. "Ally, I need you to know that I had no idea what was happening that night. If I had, I would have behaved much differently, and I hope you can accept that apology from me."

Discomfort marred Ally's pretty features, and she shifted in her seat. Rez could see he wasn't being well received, but he pushed on anyway. "I think we should discuss our options here," Rez stated bluntly, setting a folder on the coffee table and flicking through. "I assume you've seen the headlines?"

"No," Ally shrugged. "I've disabled the wifi, barely left the house. Jack's been in recovery. We just didn't want to know."

"They're unbelievable, you guys," Rez pulled photos out of his bag.

_What happened to Ally?_

_Everything You Need to Know about Jackson Maine's Suicide Attempt._

_Ally Rushes to Husband Jackson's Side!_

_Jackson Maine in Recovery: What Happens Next?_

_Will Ally and Jackson Return to the Spotlight?_

_Fans Desperate for Stars' Return: Where Are the Maines?_

Jack and Ally poured over the papers. "You said he'd kill my career," Ally murmured incredulously. Every story portrayed them as a couple crossed by Hollywood. The articles romanticized their story; Jackson's stunt at the Grammy Awards was no longer an embarrassment, but a cry for help. Ally fleeing the spotlight wasn't a disappointment, but a testament to her passion as a wife. Gone were the days of criticism, it seemed; now, everyone wanted to see Jackson and Ally Maine come out on top.

"He's done the opposite," Rez replied. "People love you two. They want to see you beat the odds."

Tears welled in Jack's eyes. He hadn't given much thought to how he'd be welcomed back into the world, beyond assuming they'd wish he'd succeeded. It wasn't as if he could fade back in with ease; when he'd left rehab, there'd been more paparazzi than he'd ever seen in his life. It made sense now- the country had been waiting with baited breath for their return to the spotlight.

"The world misses you," Rez whispered to Ally. He looked up at Jack cautiously. "And you, too. If you two are ready, I would love to be the one to reintroduce you."

"I can't do it again," Ally responded plainly. She pushed the papers away. "It changed who I am. I'm not a pop star, I don't need the back up dancers. I can't go back to the glitz and the glam when it's so fraudulent."

"People want to hear what you have to say, Al-"

"I don't care how many people want to listen," Ally cut Jack off. "I care what it is I'm saying to them," she looked back at Rez. "I won't be a pop star again."

"That's not what I'm proposing," Rez shook his head. "I'm saying we reintroduce you as Jack and Ally. We take you back to you, Ally- the dark hair, simple makeup, soulful sound. We act like it's summer of 2016, back when Jack took you all over the nation and you sang to people's hearts.  _That's_ what I'm proposing- and the label is ready to back you every step of the way."

"I don't know if Jack's ready-"

"We're going to start slow," Rez put out his hands. "A press release, an intimate interview, then maybe a concert. No touring- especially not until Jackson's counselor 'okay's him for one. If we do this it'll be slow, we'll keep them wanting more."

"I'm not interested in capitalizing off of a suicide attempt."

"You wouldn't be," Rez assured her. "You'd be capitalizing off of your love story. And for all my faults and missteps, I do have to admit that the two of you are beautiful together."

Ally looked up at Jack, and he smiled sweetly back down at her. He ran his finger from her forehead to her nose to her chin. "Whatever you want to do, I'm right there with you."

"Your hearing will get worse."

"I'll wear those damn earphones if I have to," Jack scoffed. "Bobby'll have a field day with that."

"Why would you do that?"

"Ally Maine," Jack grabbed a hand and kissed it. "You have supported me through so much bullshit. You're absolutely the strongest human being I've ever met, and I love you endlessly. There is nothing I want more than to be back on that stage with you, singing our truth. I wouldn't be here without you, and it's time I lift a little bit of the weight," he cocked his head to the side. "If you want to do this, I'm ready. I'll be cleared by the doc first if you want, I'll wear those earphones, I'll do whatever it takes to be by your side. I'll do anything you ask."

Ally leaned in and kissed him sweetly. She looked over at Rez. "We'll think about it. Thank you."

Rez departed then, and Jackson took a sip of his coffee. "Did you mean that?" Ally asked him gently.

"Every word," her husband responded. "I am so sorry, baby girl. I'm going to spend the rest of my life making it up to you. This is genuinely the least I can do- and I want it, too."

"We're not doing anything until you're cleared," Ally shook her head. "I can't lose you again."

"You won't," Jackson smiled at her, moving his hand to the nape of her neck and running his fingers through her hair. "I'm not going anywhere. I'm home."

"Home," Ally breathed. Jackson kissed her, and she smiled at the way his beard tickled her face.

"Home."

**Author's Note:**

> This is super rough and I KNOW THAT but I needed a way to process my feelings :( I'm not gonna edit it or anything, so you'll have to take it as is. For all of you who feel like Ally and Jack deserved better, this is for you. It's been over a week since I saw A Star is Born and I'm still devastated :( and my goofy ass friends are dragging me along to see it again tonight so maybe there'll be another fic coming soon. Idk. I just have a nasty case of depression because of this movie :,(


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